A last

I've done it again I have questioned my life.
Let stressed  out life get me crazy again.
When can I finally  trust what happening is real.
That everything is going to be just fine after all.
Maybe today is that day at last.

I will trust my gut it has steered me wrong before.
I will trust my gut because  it's not the old one.
Its the one I'm letting out of its hidden reserve.
The one I was saving for  just  maybe one day.
Ever so slowly I trust my self more and more.

I am getting older but don't feel like I am inside.
Yes I am or at least I hope I am wiser.
Body fighting off some age and God knows what else.
Brain forgetting  things like those lost keys.
Found months after thought lost in a boot no less.

I feel so light burdens  still exist but I'm still here.
Worry yes I still do enter the stressful life.
I've learned that  taking time for just me is ok.
Every one needs this be selfish when it comes to you.
Go on that walk to you favorite spot sit breathe.

Listen to those songs that touch you sing along.
Stop and  smell the daisys found along the way.
Talk to a friend face to face with no rush enjoy it.
Go out be in the earth instead of just on it.
Be happy becouse one day is finally here.

Its not the one I had envisioned in my head.
Its a better version that my gut trust .
I've come out of this a much better person.
I've let myself be who I am inside happy.
I've learned life is perfect imperfections  included.

11/08/1959

This year I am going to be you do the math.
This birthday I will really celebrate as a blessing.
Although  life is in no way perfect I am happy.
I gave myself the best present ever.

A walk to finding myself and just being who I am.
Finally choosing a path and following it.
Only to see more options to be found.
This was a good thing more new ideas to see.

Trusting the praise that was gifted to me.
I opened  myself to my voice my feelings.
My acceptance  of myself freed me to live.
Letting me dream of impossible  things.

If they come true or not doesn't really matter.
I don't have to live in them with my eyes closed.
My eyes are wide open and the view isn't  so bad.
A little bumpy  down the way but not bad at all.

Friend, lover,paramour I like that word so elegant.
Who ever I found with the courage I didn't know I had.
You know you are the present I gave myself finally.
So I am looking foward to my Birthday  this year.

The things my brain has shared the idiotic pleas.
The admissions  of every feeling that has a name.
And some who I'm sure will be added on my behalf.
Have been shared with the correct person at last.

I have my hearts desire after much too long.
Putting my memory at ease adding more to it.
My birthday wish is for you to achieve the same.
A dream  you have whatever  it may be come true.

So It Is Written

I wonder if other writers think the same about it.
How can one word or small thought bring out the pen?
Make you turn on that tablet and start a clean page.
What inspires me to try and get those thoughts down?
It's something that was said to me.

This has become a passion for me this writing.
I am learning as I go no push here just a pull.
Reading what comes out is at times hard.
Each word so intense they are ment to be felt.
Can I express  emotions any clearer than this.

Everything that I put down is so personal for me.
My most important thoughts that need to be out.
Some of who's  silence could not be contained.
I can now spin out words like yarn being spun.
Then weave them into a fabric that warms the soul.

Love letters set to no music yet they sing.
Spells in magic lyrical lines waiting to be cast
Fears scribbled  down diminishing their power.
Sent out to the universe  by the powerful pen.
Giving them their last taste of breath slain at last.

Desires and wishes hopes my dreams given form.
Hoping to find their way to reality someday.
Fairytale like admissions that are all so true.
That one cannot quite believe their candor.
Written down to regard their beauty their existence.

My free shrink my place of zen my refuge.
My filler of time not to be wasted used well instead.
My Muse thought of helping me get it all down.
Never ending things to be said questions to be asked.
Written  and understood in plan language.

The desire to put as much down as I can inspires me.
Memories so vivid never forgotten stored on page.
Reborn in lines of words  to be gazed upon at will.
To be relived as if they happened only yesterday.

Never to be forgotten they live on forever.

Part of this

I've changed so much yet there are parts of me I can't .
Stronger than I have been in a very very long time.
Focused  on myself on having and doing  for me alone.
For once not giving a shit about anything but what calls to me.
For what I want that makes me whole at no cost to ego .

Perhaps  the parts of me I can't change should remain.
Are those the parts that are the root of me .
The core to myself where I grow my persona me.
The parts that scare me the intensity my of passions.
My pride my convictions my hopes my dreams.

I am so complacated to myself so hard to pace it.
My brain constantly running trying to stay in line.
Overthinker  trying to live one day at a time .
Trying to put one foot in front of the other .
Letting it all out so I don't explode with my scenarios.

Remembering  what you once said to me ...
Don't worry what tomorrow brings live for today.
Trying so hard to remind myself of this everyday.
Part of all this I can't quite master yet if ever.
I survive on wishes on hopes on dreams on magic.

I love with no restrictions  at least I've mastered this.
No buffer to this at all no lying it cannot be done.
This may ammout to shooting ones self in the foot.
It hasn't of yet so the dance continues slowly.
Being mindful of the impact it may be hoping for.

Manipulation  games not intended not wanted.
Knowing my truth and running with it to what end.
Praying I don't destroy the connection to my soul.
The home I  feel my heart has stumbled  upon.
My kindred my stregenth comes from this I am certian.

Amens and prayers a way of life altered for the good.
Truth and words finding no boundaries  spit out as they are felt.
Worries of health no contact that alarms me .
Is he alright did something happen will I ever know.
This is my nightmare what if this happens it's a part of this.