Forever Gone

 Time is passing too quickly or too slowly I can't tell these days.

Nights turn into quiet mornings planing nothing ,it's not in my hands.

Out of bed a coffee cup in my hand I stumble through the hours.

Echos crisscrossing my mind again ,but so very much has changed .

I stand barefoot in grass now , my best friend a tree outside my window.

I watch it's leaves dance as I tell it my secrets ones you cannot hear.

I watch the wind blow them away to who knows where forever gone.

I.G.B.

Always for you Jose,

I said forever...

I cannot lie to you...

Red Suspenders

 He wears Suspenders.

They make him look formal 

Or like some little boy from long ago.

I like to think of you in a red pair.

My favorite color.

It always comes back to me doesn't it?

I imagine you sitting across from me.

Again wearing that grin.

Those eyes looking right through me.

You there wearing those suspenders. 

The things that make my heart bleed 

 Now include Red Suspenders. 

Te Amo 

The ring

 I saw it the moment you sat on my couch your Ring.

The one that screamed this one is Taboo Run.

I tried not to look at it I knew what it meant.

I knew impossible ,taken all those warnings red flags

But all That flew out the window the moment you kissed me.

I closed my eyes to everything closed them to that ring.

When you came again it was gone having left no trace.

Did it burn you to touch me with it on scorch it's vow into you.

Silent reminder of the guilt you didn't want to know.

How long had it been since it slipped off your finger?

Was it in the middle of the drive to me on an ordinary day? 

It was gone but it didn't make any of it easier.

Did you put it back on again I wonder.

Was forgiveness that easy.

I.G.Bahrami

Your evermore with me

Te Amo José 

Siempre 

Tell me how

 Tell me how to leave how to leave you behind

How can I  escape the part of me that is you

Show me how to close my eyes and not dream

Help me not want to share Everything with you

What do I do with the sun rises and sunsets alone

With the wind and the rain that caress my face 

like your kisses once did.

Please tell me how

Tu sabes Maestro 

Left

 What is there left to say can it be said?

Can I borrow the ear that once was mine.

The one who I thought heard me clearly.

The one who only was told truth time and time again.

Was it all too much , it was the wrong time.

The wrong place , the wrong everything I wanted.

What is left the but memories again.

They still hold you to me as they always have.

Now I have new ones ,but I have to know.

Shall I cherish them or are they all in my dreams.

Were you playing a wicked game with a tender heart?

A heart you healed only to break again.

What is left but the unspoken words of MY goodbye.

Not given the chance to speak them from my mouth.

The words I either dread or desire to say, was I heard at all?

Can what is left to say spill from my trembling lips,

As easily as it came from yours

There are things I have left to say, things that are left to be heard.

Things that are Left...

I.G.B.

Te amo, te amado, 

Siempre 

You can leave me a comment 

I didn't want to know...

 I didn't want to know her name knowing it makes her real.

I didn't want to imagine her face,hair,body and yes her soul.

Is she kind soft and loving do you share a language all your own.

I really didn't want to know her name. 

I didn't want to imagine all the years you've spent with her.

All the days and nights side by side time passing by.

I didn't want to picture in my head you holding her closely.

Kissing her lips tenderly , loving her instead of me. 

I didn't want to know her name now I cannot forget it.

Coming out of your mouth with your love caressing it.

I'll never hear that song again or the story it pleads.

Rushing past it so I will not hear it play. 

I didn't want feel you turn and look away again.

To hear you talk in a tone that breaks my heart.

You said her name to me my Wife you said.

I really didn't want to know it.

I.G.Bahrami

No disrespect Maestro,

I am broken

But I am strong

I have my love for you

And absolutely no one can take it from me.

Maestro March 4 2024

 Hope you are reading these notes to you.

As always I hope you are well and some calm has been found in your life.

Again I have no clue what you are going through right now.

I still feel you in a strange way I don't want you to go away.

Every thing I read says to let this go but I find I have no control .

I will say it's become normal not hearing from you.

It's so so sad that you didn't let me know your fears and thoughts.

I really want a conversation with you.

I don't want to leave it where it was left off I need to hear from you again.

I know you told her you wouldn't or I wouldn't reach out but...

I haven't tried it would be so sad if you blocked me on everything.

I dont want to try one because I promised you I wouldn't and two I respect you too much not to do what you asked of me.

Finding out you may have blocked me would only open wounds that are healing.

Therapy is going well there's lots to addresss not just us or what I call us.

Family life goes on but those thoughts about everything in my life are killing me.

Trying to keep occupied I am doing a bit of writing but keeping it off line for privacy.

God I still and forever love you this was never a game for me.

Be well and know you forever are in me

Love you Farfula