Reborn

Sweet child how you have grown.
You have discovered nothing is known.
How what was taught and instilled in you.
Has no relevance in what you must do.

Why do humans think it must be this way.
As if they have all the answers, the say.
Are they happy in their ignorance.
Or just playing up to the audience.

This is how it should be what we will accept.
Smile but keep those emotions always in check.
Pretend its real ignore that nagging ache.
Voices asking is this all there is at stake?

Its how we've always heard it should be.
How I  have lived without ever finding me.
No I cannot accept this the plan the norm.
My life is mine now I have been reborn.

Words I long to hear

There are words I long to hear.
I have imagined them in my head.
I have wished for them to come.
I have played the scene in my heart,
too too many times.

There are embraces I want to give.
My arms empty day after day.
Longing like none I have ever felt.
An ache so consuming it pulses my need.
Come let this end in our embrace.

There are dreams I want to live.
With us united in this great world.
This lonely life we have lived gone at last.
You beside me day and night living.
The good the bad all in at last.

There is love we Have discovered.
Forbidden but oh so deep and real.
All we can do is feel and bask in its grace.
I know you were my Destiny at last.

The world we made cannot digest this.
This connection of our souls our hearts.
Vows made Vows Broken Vows still kept.
Nothing can sever this thread between us.
But there are still words I long to hear.

The Letter

I never forgot those few moments we crossed paths.
In a room full of people it was like you were calling to me.
Yes I had someone beside me and so did you.

Did you even know my heart jumped  when ever I saw you.
It was almost like looking at a star I could never  hope to reach.

I did reach that star once but it was a shared moment not just for me.

Too young to understand too scared to listen to the voice that whispered  in my heart.
A moment gone and never fully understood by my youthful self.
A moment that left me with a longing I would carry with me for many years.
A smile when ever I thought of you you touched my soul and you  didn't even know it.

We had another brief encounter quite by accident we saw each other again.
You asked me over for coffee but all I wanted to do was fall into yours arms.
This time it would have been different just you and I.
I hoped for something I didn't even know myself hoped you would see and know.
Fate is a fickle thing it can give you hope and wash it away in an instant.

As I left not knowing the paths my life would take I felt lost.

But youth has hope always so I went and lived the life before me.
A life full of love ,pain and joy but mostly an inner loneliness.
I didn't have the time to dwell on me family came first always.

As days turned into years and years decades I lived  on.
Buried a lost soul I loved and tried to save.
Married for all the wrong reasons loneliness.
Raised children found a  joy in being a mother my one true salvation in life.

I became a show in someone else's afterthought a mistake wished not taken.
I lost the me I was to become and then it was over just like that.
Leaving a slew of emotions that almost broke my fragile self.
Leaving me to search for the person I lost in the song I knew all too well.

But as fickle as life can be faith is always there.
One finds the strength to go on and hope just maybe someday.
And then there you were in my memory again enter the smile.
Nothing ventured nothing gained no words ran truer in my mind.

So pen to paper careful words written a joke to make you smile.
2 stamps for good measure in the mail box it went.

And like Pandoras  box I found hope.
That at least my memories were appreciated for what they were.
I would by lying if I said I wasn't anxious. 
Then a peek at my email sent my heart racing and put the smile on my face once again.

For JLM ly

I don't know what this all means but what ever happens is magic to me.
And thanks you you have gotten me writing again.

When did you know

You told me you loved me back then.
When did you know?
When was the second you realized it?
When did your heart look at me and whisper her.

Was it the moment you walked into my eyes?
Was it some random conversation a thought?
Was it a look or a smile that told you how you felt?
Was it the look in my eyes I didn't know was there?

I wonder because its in you alone to know.
I don't have to know just want to thank it.
The second you knew I just want to bless it.
And thank God that it happened.

Welcome Home

Welcome home my dear its been a long long while.
Welcome back into my world this time to stay.
We have walked so many miles undistracted by the view.
Lived day in day out as we were expected to do.

Here you are that part of me I didn't know I owned.
Why were thoughts of you swimming in my head.
Cherished encounters replayed again and again and again.
Looking for the  answer of why they wouldn't fade.

You left your mark in  me your sly sly clever soul.
You branded mine and slept in it until it was time.
Dreams of finding you again inprinted  in my brain.
Your heart kept calling to me where are you my dear.

I reached the point of no return determined to seek.
Courage was what it took to put that pen to paper.
Signed sealed dilivered read in disbelief.
A declaration a question do you recall that time.

Not knowing what was felt discovering amazed
Still reeling from the impact of its echo returned.
Finding our selves blessed even more each day.
Welcome home my love its been a long long while.

My Muse

I call you my muse you inspire me.
My emotions find their way out into the world.
Empty pages fill with every thought of what I feel.
The sweet pain of a life revived ,reborn,renewed

The disapoiment it had offered gone away.
Living fulfilled by the knowledge of my inspiration.
Becoming whole at last unafraid of what's past.
Radiating the beauty of who I am at last.

My muse inspires me in oh so many ways.
To live a life in truth no matter what the cost.
Be the woman who is honest to herself at last.
No lies no secrets no holding anything back.

Love is what I feel for you its been there all along.,
The funny lovely beautiful person who's smile I wear.
Who makes me feel and feel and feel and feel.
Who broke my soul wide open to let it all sink in.

Muse keep on inspiring me just by being you.
This gentile soul this loving person god has gifted me.
My strength ,my weakness ,my everything ,my love .
Heaven on this earth to me my muse that's what you are.

Maeresto , Babe, Sweetheart, Mi Amor ,Mi Vida,
My heart,  My Muse,

Always and forever.

No I don't want my old life back

No I don't want my old life back.
The empty one which held nothing for me.
The life that held me tight a nobody lost.
The one who's joys I couldn't feel I was numb.

No I don't want that life back ever.
Give me this pain I feel my heart has awoken.
Give me today tomorrow and yesterday full of emotions.
Finding my long lost self at last jumbled as I am.

No I don't want that life back its past me.
Let me bask in my newfound self in the me that was found.
Let me be the mad crazy lunatic that has me singing.
Let me embrace this life as I choose to be.

No I don't want that life back at all.
Live for today live for my loved ones.
Live in our joy live in our pain enjoy them both.
For without the ups and downs can you say you'r living?

No that old life is gone its doors still ajar.
It had lessons to be learned never forgotten.
It had tears rimming in my eyes never falling.
No I don't want it back but it taught me well.

Solitary Dream

I feel blocked my brain doesn't understand this.
Is this the you and I which exist only in my head.
The story too real to be true but is.
Did this really happen to me to us.
Or is this my solitary dream.

I feel you I don't have to swear on it you know.
The air around me carries your essance.
As if the breaths  you have released
have found their next victim.
You haunt me in all consuming blissful way.

I have said this before I pray this each day.
I will repeat this with love not any thing else.
I give you all I feel for you I pray you know.
The vast emotions that you bring out in me.
The misty eyed thoughts of luck with no odds.

I pray you also know this my soul says you do.
In puzzles we seek to find each other in rymes.
In my written words, in the blessings you send.
In good day and good night ,in smile, in TQM, in ditto.
We send it out to each other every day we reach.

Is this all one sided am I just that lunatic I play.
Can the devine and god  be so kind to give me my due.
Has my soul been awakend to reality at last.
Are you seeing the same view right in front of your eyes.
Or is this just all my solitary dream.