Cosas que vallen la pena

Hay cosas que  te roban la felicidad.
Cosas,personas, situaciones ,pensamiemtos que
te llenan  de tristeza.
Tanto  tiempo  perdido buscando la belleza y
las sonrisas que la vida debe prometernos.

La vida parece dura y muy solitaria pero tambien
trae felicidad.
Justo cuando quieres rendirte justo, cuando crees
que ja no puedes mas.
El universo nos manda lo que necesitamos.
Nos manda lo que puede no lo que pides no lo que desees.
El deseo tan profundo viene con dolor tambein.

Amar sin miedo sentirlo todo uno aprende que es la
bendicion mas grande en la vida.
Bendiciones tan impotante en la vida son regaloes
Que uno no esperava.
Hay  cosas en la vida  que vallen la pena para mi
es amar te a ti.

Que sera sera no es importante

Estoy por tu lado  mi Amor mi Alma

Tu me Valles  la pena

Love

So this is what this looks like.
The validation of who I am what makes me live.
It's not my heart beating in my chest.
It's not the air I inhale without thought.
Not even the body that holds my soul.

So this is what we all hope for in life.
The longing we all hold inside finally exiled.
It's not what I expected not in this life.
I had given up hope my life at its evening.
But I was fooled no sunset quite yet not yet.

So much time gone but neverending still.
This is not new nor old but eternal.
Familiar to me where I recognize it again.
Existing in my hopes throughout forever.
From the first breath taken in every life before.

So my search for this unsuccessful for naught.
How does one find this look and not see.
It's not a game not a hunt nor puzzle  to be solved.
Just go about my days and fate answered my call.
Quietly sent out by my heart beating longing.

So I live now knowing what this means.
Knowing no other ever before it is always you.
It's right here it's always been there.
Only to be relived as before continue the story.
The one that has no end.

The very thought of you

The very thought of you stops me in my tracks.
My heart skips that beat we all hear about.
My eyes smile as my mouth grins still in disbelief.
Here I go yet again taking deep breaths.
Yes you take that away from me still ,again ,always.

Am I cursed
Am I blessed
Am I that lunatic

It matters not for the very thought of you is the answer.
That missed heart beat not needed it will beat again.
The wrinkles in my eyes shine laugh lines on my lips.
Deep breaths bring you closer to me .
They draw you into my soul deeply each one taken.

The very thought of you makes me feel alive...

TQM

Mi Vida y Mi Mundo

Wallowing

Some days are just too much for me.
Some days I want to sit and just wallow.
I cant  turn away from it when it comes for a visit .
I have to let this sadness in or it lingers outside.
Come in uninvited guest let's get this over with.

There is only so much bravado I can show the world.
There is only so much stregenth in me to share.
I can use great hugs I can use to give some back.
I need just to cry those tears I hide bravely.
The ones that live in the corners of my mind.

This being strong catches up with me all at once.
This missing my heart , my soul, my love is hard.
Being strong is not easy put on that face every day.
Smile and say I'm ok again and again and again.
But the act does help, pretend its doable you know how.

Some days I have to wallow feel the sadness again.
Some days are just that way just ride the wave it will pass.
Let the tears at least I hope they do wash away this agony.
Its happend before now I know tomorrow  will be better.
But today doesn't seem to be that day so I wallow in it again.

Parting words

I went to where I never expected to go this week .
My father's bedside his death bed truth be told.
I went to try and find some closure for myself not him.
I had not seen him so many years I couldn't count.
He was not missed in my life I was living with his clone.

The room was small as we went in and there he lay.
This man who's  very existence  made me possible.
Hooked up to life support and suffering in it all.
They say Karma is a Bitch there it was before my eyes.
Was this too much or not enough?

How could I see him like this and not feel anything.
I sat near that bed I looked at him a fragile and broken man.
Someone who could have had a much better end than this.
A man who like forsaid clone cared only about himself.
A man who raised his hand at my mother too many times.

Yes it happened to me also I have felt the hand of an idiot.
They say you  marry your parents this is true.
I endured this pain in my own life I cried my mother's tears.
Men so indifferent to their families their love for self ruled.
My parting words to him harsh and right to the point.

I forgive what you didn't do for us as a family  I said.
I forgive what you did to my mother but I will never forget.
I said this softly alone with him for a momet it had fo be said.
I said I know how Mom felt as if he  could hear me I hope he did.
One day I will say this again this time to the one who did it to me.

I felt no shame in this it had to be done I had to let it go.
Years of feeling the pain I shared with my mother.
I did this for both of us she would never speak the words.
I didnt go there to do this but it felt right no holding back.
Last chance to see him it had to be done closure.

I left the room for a while upon my return I Prayed.
I prayed to God the Devine or whatever greater good is out there.
I prayed for his soul and his suffering to end soon.
I prayed if there is a next life and his soul finds my mother's  again,
That he treat her like she deserves to be treated  like the angel she is.

So yes I cursed him on his death bed.
Yes I said harsh things to him in Hope's he heard.
He wasn't going anywhere until he knew and was forgiven.
I had not planned any of this I am not an evil woman.
But I did it for every woman out there who has been abused.

I did it for my mother I did it for me.

Parting words

I

Things I don't want to feel

Things I don't want to feel are hiding.

Tucked away in me lurking quietly.

Silently they have made themselves at home.

Sitting so very still behind my hopes and dreams.

Peeking out for an opportunity to strike.

I have spent too much time fighting them.

Keeping them at bay, away from the life I want.

I know I will face them and stare them down.

Scream in my head go away I am stronger now.

Let them see that side of me that steers me.

My hopes and dreams have become my reality.

I will not let those dark thoughts into my world again.

They are still a part of me They will always be.

But they will be put in their place hopefully to die.

Some I will allow to come back their tears will heal me.

The ones that scare me are the hardest to face.

Losing my footing is not in my agenda not again.

The learning to trust was and is still hard.

Praying my intuition is correct trusting it.

Still the things I don't want to feel hide.  

Yesterday

As I was walking down the stairs yesterday.
My phone bleeped in R2D2s long whistles.
And stopped me in my tracks from my mission.
I knew it was you I hoped it was you it better be you.
You blew me away again how do you do it Sir.

As I was about to dam this all these puzzles.
Trying to figure it out for once and for all.
Trying to be truthful to myself not believe. 

Trying not to break my own heart with woe.

Over thinking is my worst enemy you know

As I stood and read that poem you know the one.
I shook my head and smiled that smile again.
You know that one too the one I wear with you in mind.
Just at the moment I ceased to trust to believe to know.

You charmed me again just when my soul needed it.

As my heart leaped into my throat in a huge knot.
I felt you surround  me as if to remind me your there.
I won't forget you you seemed to convey in a warm hug.
Yesterday you did it again Sir you did it again.

You reached out how you could you always do.

As I shook my head in disbelief  how did you know.
This isn't the first time can you read my mind.

This is You you said strong lady its you.
Just what I needed to bring me a little  you.
Yesterday was the day I needed this.

Thank you Babe