Hello it's me

Yeah I saw you and felt you you came in a dream.

Did you  come to let me know your still there after all these years.

Do you regret what you did that took you from me?

They say love never dies I always knew that much is true.

In a way too sad for my heart  to comprehend  I still miss you.

You have missed so much of life's beauty and grace.

You have missed smiles ,struggles and so many days that they turned into years.

But I saw you there I felt you again.

Did you come to remind me love does indeed exist.

That it has no boundaries not even death or time.

Thank you my love for the reminder.

Thank you for letting me feel the joy again as bittersweet as it is.
 
Thank you for giving me hope that I am not wrong in my heart.

That someday just that some day it will again come for real.

Some dreams are so vivid you  can still feel the love that came to visit in them.

Humbled

Has something ever happened to you that you can't even belive it's real.
Something so out of the blue that it literally takes your breath away.
A gesture so magnificent that there are no words to describe my shock at it.

I try to be someone who doesn't  complain over much.
The past few months  have been filled with relearning how to live.
Taking the bull by the horns and hanging on for what feels like for dear life.

The familiar  pace of just getting it done is back.
Just getting it done day by day and knowing that everything is going to be alright.
The going to be alright part is the hardest to believe.
There are times I feel so so overwelemed and then out of the blue comes hope.

My son said to me a few weeks ago Mom send some of that energy  my way.
As I looked at him confused he said look at all you have done.
Pulling rabbits out of thin air, making lemonade out of lemons, finding that needle in the haystack.
That is what I have done.

Still it isn't easy but I do it with hope, faith and love in my heart.
Many moments of if only ... many more of self doubt.
Still I go on because failure is not an option.
Problems are not unsolvable there is always a way no matter what.

An then I am humbled  by this gesture.
I give out my heart to people with no agenda. 
I am that person you see who cares too much.
The person who really means it when they ask how are you doing.

Again in disbelief I cry tears that show I am the person I want to be.
My heart is full of  compassion and genuine love for the world around me.
The things lost to me are of no consequence they were like a thorn in my side.

I welcome being humbled it shows me I am not alone.
It shows me I am who I want to be.

So I thank you from all of my heart not just the bottom. 
Thank you my prayers go out to you unknown person.
You have restored the faith in me that was there all along.

Hugs

The pool at work was closed for a few weeks for renavation.

  I am not the best self taught swimmer but I enjoy doing laps.

Having reopened I planned on getting back in the water last week.

 An aquaintance whom is in the health  profession was so happy to hear this.

He made me promise  I would really do this.

We'll I did go for my swim and enjoyed it very much.

He came in yesterday with his Father in tow I noticed the resemblance in the two right away.

His father and him had the same eyes and simular  smiles. 

Faces that anyone could see were so like the men themselves full of a boyish charm and the joy in life.

Upon taking care of what they needed a guest pass for the Father. 

 We spoke a bit and I comented on how alike they looked as well as how they acted.
Apparently the Father was a bit hard of hearing so I was asked to speak up when speaking to him.

Not certain if they were joking with me or not I and spoke up anyway.

They seemed like a tag team out to cause some mischief.

I told the son that I had indeed gone for my swim.

With a big smile on his face he came around to hug me. 

Me being me I never say no to a hug I got up to hug him back.

Hug given and taken I glanced behind him to find his dad with open arms ready for his hug.

  Not wanting to be a spoil sport I huged him also.  I was a bit taken by surprise at the hug itself. 

 It was a genuine  hug a pretty great one as hugs go.

 When it was over I was so taken by it that I myself went in for another one. 

 Have to say that those two hugs by this gentleman were the best non family hugs I have gotten in a very long time.

As I sat down I asked the elder how old he was 80 was his answer.

I was really taken by this older man's hugs. Gives me hope there is someone else out there who will hug me like this again.

 Hey if  I could would enjoy lunch with him at least.

The moral  of this is don't give up ever. And never never refuse  a hug you may be pleasantly  suprised.

Write

I'm starting to believe  I can write that this wonderful skill is in me.
After so many years of feeling I could write a book.
How many times have I heard you should write a book.
ME write a book!

Some of the thoughts we have in life seem just to be whimsical ones.
Wishes to do or be something more than we are.
Yes there are those who just do it whatever it may be.
No fear just dive in head first no looking down just go for it.

OK here I go just going to do it write.

The past few years I have posted on Facebook random things.
From birthday wishes to life observations to comments on the state of the world.
 I just let my words flow through my fingers directly from my soul.
Later maybe the next day I may reread it and say to myself wow.
I almost look over my shoulder I couldn't have written that is so profound.

I tell you my most insightful ramblings have been just that.
Thoughts not fully formed thoughts that I needed to let out.
Is this what all writers feel their brains needing express themselves.

I am learning as I go along don't worry who reads this or not.
I have no plan what will come out but I know its me.

Home

 I didn't care how the houses  we lived in looked they never really felt like my space. Now that we are in this Townhouse it finally feels like this is my no not just my home but our home.  We are happy we have a nice place with just enough space for us all.

 I find myself enjoying cleaning my home.  I will admit I was a slob cleaned just enough the ex didn't complain too much. Raising kids and a husband can be so draining you just go into an automatic mode. Wake up get kids off to school go to work. Come home cook dinner clean when you can. Take  care of everyone and try not to fall off that system which happened often.

 I clean with my headphones in my ears listening to a book or my ever changing music. I sing dance mop to the beat in my soul yes that is how I do it now.  I stop and have lunch with my daughter sit and watch a talk show or just have a cup of tea.

 I cook dinner what ever I please. Cooking also  brings me a sense of home and family.  It is not a chore for me its a skill I have perfected an activity  that feeds and calms me.  My son says you don't have to cook for us no baby I love cooking for you all. If friends are around I will feed their stomachs as well as their hearts. All are welcome in my Home no questions asked.

By the time I am done I feel light as if I am in the best place for me to be.  My yarn awaits me I love to crochet It is my one true passion after my Children and grandchildren.  A glass of wine or better yet a shot of tequila a good movie or show to watch.

New ideas in my head all the time trying to keep busy but loving my home more and more each day.

A basket of bears

First of all why a basket of bears.
 Well the reason I am starting this Blog is a major life change.
 My basket of bears is in fact real. They remind me that I live in my own space with people and things I love.
 No one to say to me those are silly they should be put away or that person so and so. After too many years I am living my life in my own my way.
  To say no rules sounds too harsh  I didn't have rules before it just felt like I did.
Freedom is not just a word to me it has become my mantra in my heart and in my soul.


I would like to thank one person for egging me on to do this. Julie Piskin here you go.
I only hope I can make people laugh a little hey maybe even a lot.
Welcome to my Basket of Bears