Trying so hard Papi I really am so hard.
Started therapy finally you were the straw that broke me.
Do you know the impact you made in my life.
Did you know that all we said and shared changed me.
Do you know how much I admire and respect you.
I think that's the only thing keeping me from reaching out.
It's a struggle to get through the day without you there.
I will say some days I'm ok then I think about that last conversation.
You seemed so cold was that the real you I still don't understand.
I really would love to talk to you again this cannot be forever.
Youonce said we would never lose each other again.
Dispute everything I would love to hold you to that.
I told you time and time again I was insane .
I'm only sorry that it caused you pain I never wanted that.
I think about your pain and am truly sorry for you.
I can't lie and put myself in your shoes know it must be hell.
My therapist said it's not all my fault and even how it ended wasn't.
I have the right to feel your loss as deeply as I want to.
I have the right to miss everything we shared I miss Z, family.
I miss feeling I was special especially to you in some way.
You made me feel myself you see me even if you don't want to.
I still feel you but it only bings me sadness now.
To think we go back to just memories just an unfulfilled wish.
Hopefully in time they will make me smile again
Still my head keeps telling me just one more conversation.
As if that would heal me and reassure that my insanity didn't push you away.
I think you might be very upset with me and I would love to clear this up.
I love you as always
That is not in my control
You have proved worthy of my undying devotion
