Tell me how to leave how to leave you behind
How can I escape the part of me that is you
Show me how to close my eyes and not dream
Help me not want to share Everything with you
What do I do with the sun rises and sunsets alone
With the wind and the rain that caress my face
like your kisses once did.
Please tell me how
Tu sabes Maestro
What is there left to say can it be said?
Can I borrow the ear that once was mine.
The one who I thought heard me clearly.
The one who only was told truth time and time again.
Was it all too much , it was the wrong time.
The wrong place , the wrong everything I wanted.
What is left the but memories again.
They still hold you to me as they always have.
Now I have new ones ,but I have to know.
Shall I cherish them or are they all in my dreams.
Were you playing a wicked game with a tender heart?
A heart you healed only to break again.
What is left but the unspoken words of MY goodbye.
Not given the chance to speak them from my mouth.
The words I either dread or desire to say, was I heard at all?
Can what is left to say spill from my trembling lips,
As easily as it came from yours
There are things I have left to say, things that are left to be heard.
Things that are Left...
I.G.B.
Te amo, te amado,
Siempre
You can leave me a comment
I didn't want to know her name knowing it makes her real.
I didn't want to imagine her face,hair,body and yes her soul.
Is she kind soft and loving do you share a language all your own.
I really didn't want to know her name.
I didn't want to imagine all the years you've spent with her.
All the days and nights side by side time passing by.
I didn't want to picture in my head you holding her closely.
Kissing her lips tenderly , loving her instead of me.
I didn't want to know her name now I cannot forget it.
Coming out of your mouth with your love caressing it.
I'll never hear that song again or the story it pleads.
Rushing past it so I will not hear it play.
I didn't want feel you turn and look away again.
To hear you talk in a tone that breaks my heart.
You said her name to me my Wife you said.
I really didn't want to know it.
I.G.Bahrami
No disrespect Maestro,
I am broken
But I am strong
I have my love for you
And absolutely no one can take it from me.
Hope you are reading these notes to you.
As always I hope you are well and some calm has been found in your life.
Again I have no clue what you are going through right now.
I still feel you in a strange way I don't want you to go away.
Every thing I read says to let this go but I find I have no control .
I will say it's become normal not hearing from you.
It's so so sad that you didn't let me know your fears and thoughts.
I really want a conversation with you.
I don't want to leave it where it was left off I need to hear from you again.
I know you told her you wouldn't or I wouldn't reach out but...
I haven't tried it would be so sad if you blocked me on everything.
I dont want to try one because I promised you I wouldn't and two I respect you too much not to do what you asked of me.
Finding out you may have blocked me would only open wounds that are healing.
Therapy is going well there's lots to addresss not just us or what I call us.
Family life goes on but those thoughts about everything in my life are killing me.
Trying to keep occupied I am doing a bit of writing but keeping it off line for privacy.
God I still and forever love you this was never a game for me.
Be well and know you forever are in me
Love you Farfula
Trying so hard Papi I really am so hard.
Started therapy finally you were the straw that broke me.
Do you know the impact you made in my life.
Did you know that all we said and shared changed me.
Do you know how much I admire and respect you.
I think that's the only thing keeping me from reaching out.
It's a struggle to get through the day without you there.
I will say some days I'm ok then I think about that last conversation.
You seemed so cold was that the real you I still don't understand.
I really would love to talk to you again this cannot be forever.
Youonce said we would never lose each other again.
Dispute everything I would love to hold you to that.
I told you time and time again I was insane .
I'm only sorry that it caused you pain I never wanted that.
I think about your pain and am truly sorry for you.
I can't lie and put myself in your shoes know it must be hell.
My therapist said it's not all my fault and even how it ended wasn't.
I have the right to feel your loss as deeply as I want to.
I have the right to miss everything we shared I miss Z, family.
I miss feeling I was special especially to you in some way.
You made me feel myself you see me even if you don't want to.
I still feel you but it only bings me sadness now.
To think we go back to just memories just an unfulfilled wish.
Hopefully in time they will make me smile again
Still my head keeps telling me just one more conversation.
As if that would heal me and reassure that my insanity didn't push you away.
I think you might be very upset with me and I would love to clear this up.
I love you as always
That is not in my control
You have proved worthy of my undying devotion
It feels like I've been hit by a truck and am on meds to dull the pain.
Only the pain cannot be forgotten with it's constant pulsing.
My throat constricted trying to hold back my agony.
My eyes welling up in tears I do not want to shed again.
I can barley breathe each breath heavy with sorrows ache.
My body keeps moving those automatic movements.
Waking ,sleeping , walking , breathing all done in a fog.
Little conversations are you alright they ask in whispers.
I say no not really and cry I Don't want to feel like this.
You said I was strong you didn't know heartbreak is stronger.
Siempre estás en mi Alma
Te amo mucho mi Maestro
No te olvides de mi
Maestro I don't know if you are even reading this I can only pray you are.
My heart is heavy with this grief I feel inside for all of us.
It is so very hard to comprehend all that has happened.
Was any of it at all real for you were you just playing me.
Jose you lifted me up I believed and still believe you cared about me.
I'm mourning you hopefully you are still alive .
It pains me my part in it all but I cannot say I regret any of it.
I can't plead with you to reach out to me but I would welcome a conversation.
I in no way can stop my feelings for you they will remain as always.
I do not want to forget you that I do freely without remorse.
I cannot tell myself I'm dammed for loving you it is not under my control.
I don't know what else I can say but I still feel you.
I feel your pain along with mine and I pray every moment I think of you.
I cannot escape you even in between breaths.
I love you
I.
