Lies

I married   for a dream I had for so long
A man who loved so deeply it was un measurable.
But what he truly loved was himself.
I hadn't been totally blind to this but the ring was put on my finger it was done.

I tried to bulid on that dream in the songs I loved so well.
Songs of never ending love and hope for a family so perfect.
I learned that they were only wishes in the wind.
That float away to the sky never to be seen again.

We came from different world's it was hard.
It will be OK I thought  I must ty harder it's  my fault.
Then came the battles the dishes flung across the room.
The slap across the face the hair pulled the bruises hidden.

Look at me I am your king he didn't say those words but they were implied.
His word was the rule his anger his knife so sharp were its edges.
He would turn to me at night with empty selfish sex I mistook for love.
This was his wepon it  was his right I was his wife he owned me.

Two more children came into ths nightmare little souls that made it  bareable.
Little smiles to warm my frozen fear little hearts that didn't deserve all this.
I could run where would we go how can we survive without him.
What I didn't know was we wernt survivingvig at all.

I left with them only to be fooled into thinking we were safe.
But the heart can be fooled into thinking things can change.
That he was suffering without his family so back we went
Mistakes from all sides I owned mine that was my biggest one.

He played my songs so well I was pulled under the spell once again.
This isn't empty I told my self when the feeling overtook me.
I tried to  endure   but his selfish demands were sucking faith out of me.
He was like a hungry dog barring it's teeth to keep his bone from being stolen.

He was happy he was sad he was depressd.
He needed to be the god  worship me I am the king.
And when I needed to speak he muzzled me like a dog.
Its always about you he said dont speak yeld to me.

I grew stronger I stopped relying on him.
I started to want my own I made my own demands.
He saw this and it frightened  him his power was dying.
He played his game I need my own space he said out of the blue.

Don't worry I will come back and forth  it won't change anything.
Just go away I prayed is this my Amen being answerd.
So boxes packed once again angry voices angry bruises once again.
But the end was near I was to be saved.

One more night he turned to me and I  gave in.
Thinking it was to be a tender goodbye again I was wrong.
I was abused in a way that I can only say  was rape.
I was so ashamed at  this I  reeled at its aftermath.

Had he won finally with this disgusting act upon me.
I could never have believed it could happen to me once again.
I had Been raped before no one ever knew I never told .
But that was what I felt that night my soul forever tainted.

Move made months of being an empty shell.
So dry was my soul no tears would fall from my eyes.
But I was free now and I was safe in my own hell.
Those dreams all packed away in a box labeled Lies.

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